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André Breton, and the surrealists who followed in his artistic and intellectual footsteps, heralded the concept of love madness, of fervent and rapturous love. The ethereal reverence for the woman, the focal point of this adoration, can only be conveyed through unabated veneration. In this paradigm, love can manifest in a singular entity that is unable to tolerate division.
In discerning the nuances of romantic passion, it is evident that this veneration is essentially an idealization that obliterates any discernment between the subject and the object of love. Those entangled in the throes of passionate love find themselves in a splendidly intoxicating macrocosm that sweeps the partners into the primordial abyss, alienating the duo from reality and secluding them within an exclusionary sphere. Sigmund Freud posited that passionate love is an “alienation of the self, in favor of investment in the object.” The ego amalgamates with the other, yielding completely to the unbridled passion. It was this dissolution of the ego that Jacques Lacan referred to when characterizing love as a form of self-annihilation.
While we previously discussed that authentic love, in association with desire, is experienced through otherness, romantic passion often creates a tumultuous blending of identities. It bears a resemblance to an addiction, as the other becomes an essential component of one’s existence, igniting the torment of possessiveness and jealousy. It is the narcissistic captivation, the bolt-from-the-blue of love at first sight, where everything is impulse, zeal, vehemence, and frenzy sparked by the sudden merging of one’s own image with the other. It is the sensation of fulfillment, of no longer experiencing an absence of anything, of immersing oneself in the euphoria of the boundless expanse of the primordial universe.
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However, this does not suggest that one should abstain from engaging in romantic passion, often a part of the initial stages of a love relationship. Arguably, it can serve as an enriching experience, unveiling individual psychic faults, enabling emotional maturation. Frédéric Beigbeder, in his book Love Lasts Three Years, articulates a somewhat skeptical view, suggesting that romantic passion follows a three-stage trajectory: “One year of passion, one year of tenderness, and the final year of ennui!”
Regardless of the duration and intensity of passion, as Freud noted, “One cannot evade the pain of recognizing its slow disintegration, the suffering of its loss.” This signifies the commencement of the second stage: a period of weaning, disengagement from fusion that may be experienced as disillusionment. This is the emergence of the imaginary tableau, the gradual acknowledgement of reality. The perception of the other, however, will always be filtered through the lens of our fantasies. This signals the time of de-idealization.
So, what might occur in the aftermath?
Two plausible scenarios could unfold.
The first outcome might be to conclude the romantic affair and prepare to experience a new passion with someone else, or perhaps the same passion, continuously rejuvenated.
The second could involve gleaning insights from the chaos and initiating the mourning process for the lost idealization. It is plausible that this could lead to a (re)construction of the couple’s relationship, contingent on the mutual desire of both partners. This reconstruction would involve an acceptance of inherent human disparity, culminating in a more realistic, authentic, and tranquil perception of the love relationship. This aligns with the assertion by psychoanalyst C. David: “To love is to grow.”
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