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3. Same Script, Same Backdrop, Same Secretary-General

Every single week, like clockwork, Hezbollah’s Secretary-General graces us with yet another appearance. And somehow, even those Turkish soap operas dubbed in the Syrian dialect manage to look like Hollywood blockbusters by comparison.

Naturally, the speeches are always prerecorded. Spontaneity is risky business when you’d rather not let the Israelis pinpoint your location. Hence that infamous blank backdrop, so dull and impersonal it could easily be the wall of a forgotten cellar.

And what do we get every single time? Reruns. The same recycled threats, the same tired lines, delivered with the hope that endless repetition might terrify the world into submission. If only he’d take a week off, just to build suspense. But no: give him a date on the calendar, and there he is again, faithful to the role, like a series with no ending and no plot twist.

One man, one camera, the same solemn face, the same heavy tone. Each line feels scripted, each threat predictable; we know the pauses, the glances, and the gestures before they even happen. Cue the sigh: “Here we go again.”

By now, the spectacle has lost its bite. Words meant to strike feel hollow. Threats meant to intimidate fade into the monotony of drawn-out sentences. And we, the weary audience, can’t help but think the real danger lies not in the phantom enemies he invokes but in this relentless weekly déjà vu.

Honestly, maybe a round of media training would help. Not that we’re signing up for the job; this one’s beyond heavy lifting. Still, mark your calendars: the next episode airs September 19.