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3. 'Becoming an Adult Is Recognizing, with Minimal Pain, That Santa Claus Doesn't Exist'

"Becoming an adult is recognizing, with minimal pain, that Santa Claus doesn't exist." Hubert Reeves' quote highlights the pivotal moment when a child abandons their illusions. Caught between loss and renewal, this transition is explored by psychoanalysis and elevated by art.

"Becoming an adult is recognizing, without minimal much pain, that Santa Claus doesn't exist."

This quote from the renowned astrophysicist and philosopher of science Hubert Reeves offers, with remarkable insight, accuracy and compassion, a reflection on a key moment in individual psychological development: the day a child discovers that Santa Claus doesn't exist. It sheds light on the process that leads to adulthood.

In children, the belief in the magic of Christmas is explained by the dominance of the pleasure principle in their psychological functioning. The child lives in a world where desires seem to be instantly realized, with no consideration for external reality. This belief is rooted in what Freud describes as the "omnipotence of thoughts," whereby the child attributes magical powers to their mind, convinced it can shape the world according to their wishes.

This form of magical thinking is not merely a whimsical fantasy but a fundamental aspect of psychic functioning that enables the child to cope with frustration and sustain the illusion essential to their development. It reflects the primary processes of the unconscious, where desire operates beyond the constraints of time and logic. The belief in Santa Claus is rooted in the phallic-oedipal stage, between the ages of 3 and 6, a period when the child idealizes their parents and perceives them as all-powerful figures. Around the age of 6, with the presumed resolution of the Oedipus complex, the child shifts from the pleasure principle to the reality principle — meaning they must recognize the reality of the external world and accept the limits it imposes. It is at this stage that disillusionment regarding the existence of Santa Claus typically occurs.

The lucid recognition that Santa Claus does not exist can be seen as a form of psychological "mourning," similar to the loss of a loved one. However, it is a necessary and healthy form of mourning, one that allows the acceptance of reality and the relinquishing of the illusions of infantile omnipotence.

For the psychoanalyst Donald W. Winnicott, Christmas, the tree, the nativity scene and the symbolic objects associated with this period serve as a transitional object that helps the child navigate the delicate transition from primitive fusion with the mother to the gradual recognition of external reality. This object is both part of reality and simultaneously created by the child, perfectly illustrating the paradoxical nature of the transitional experience. Winnicott also emphasizes the importance of a "good enough" environment, which allows the child to maintain the creative illusion without being confronted too abruptly with disillusionment. The Christmas rituals create precisely this potential space, this intermediate zone of experience where reality and imagination can coexist without conflict.

It is within this space that the child can develop their capacity for play and wonder, abilities that Winnicott considers fundamental for psychological development and access to cultural life. Santa Claus thus functions as a transitional object, symbolizing the magic of childhood at the boundary between the real and the imaginary. The moment the child lets go of this magical belief marks the point at which they move toward greater psychological autonomy, rooted in the shared reality of the external world. Becoming an adult involves the ability to tolerate ambiguity, as well as loss and disillusionment, while maintaining a connection to one’s inner world.

It is an essential passage that allows the child to gradually detach from libidinal ties to parental figures and to develop a "true self," an authentic expression of the self that is distinct from the "false self," a protective facade built to protect against a conforming environment. Accepting that Santa Claus does not exist means letting go of the illusory world of a convention that one must learn not to identify with.

Melanie Klein's contribution is equally valuable. This pioneer of child psychoanalysis identified two key positions in the psychic development of the young child: the first, in which the infant perceives the world in a split way, distinguishing between good and bad, and is unable to understand that the loving mother and the frustrating mother are one and the same person. The belief in a perfect Santa Claus who fulfills all desires can be seen as part of this infantile way of thinking. Around the age of six months, the second position, known as the "depressive" position, leads the child to adopt a more realistic and nuanced view of the world and relationships.

The child comes to recognize their mother as a "total" object, embodying both good and bad, and accepts the ambivalence of their feelings toward her (love and hate). While this integration is painful (which is why it is called the "depressive" position) and a source of guilt, it is a crucial milestone toward psychological maturity. Similarly, acknowledging that Santa Claus does not exist involves accepting that the world is not simply black or white, that desires are not always magically fulfilled, and that loss and disappointment are part of life. It is an essential process of "growing up" and gaining insight.

We cannot overlook the contribution of J. Lacan: the belief in Santa Claus belongs to the realm of the imaginary, where the illusion of completeness and the immediate satisfaction of desire prevail. This realm is characterized by illusions and identifications. The realization that Santa Claus does not exist marks a shift from the imaginary to the symbolic, towards the integration of the Law and the structures of reality, at the cost of a symbolic castration. Santa Claus then becomes just another "signifier," representing an indication of a structural void that can never be filled. Growing up means learning to live with this lack. "What we must begin with is a void that is central to the entire development of the subject."

The transition from childhood to adulthood and the loss of illusions are recurring themes in the history of art and literature, which have reflected this existential dilemma. From Charles Dickens and his A Christmas Carol to Alain-Fournier's Le Grand Meaulnes, Romain Gary’s The Promise of the Dawn ("Goodbye, happy times when an infinite desire awoke in me each morning. Now, these apparitions have disappeared forever"), to the portraits of children and adolescents by Amedeo Modigliani, and many other works that offer a space for reflection and symbolism, helping to tame, without too much suffering, the necessary mourning of childhood.

As Hubert Reeves reminds us, the challenge is not just to stop believing in Santa Claus, but to learn to believe in oneself and in the desire to face life, despite or even because of the limits reality imposes on us.